cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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