Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
