Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
