I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
