Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
