Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
