my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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