You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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