Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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