The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need water and some morals
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