Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
