Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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