A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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