My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
