how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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