I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
