Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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