I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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