YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
