well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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