She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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