I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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