They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me