I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i now understand why vodka
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
