I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat