nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
