she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.