apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
