wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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