Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
