im holly from the hills drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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