the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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