My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
