8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
