You can't special order awesome
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
