My sheets look like a crime scene.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
