oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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