At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
