I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
