SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
