Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
