another moral hangover. fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
