He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
