for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
