I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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