my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
