Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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