I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
