Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's even glitter on my cock...
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