I'm jealous of your bromance
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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