hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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