My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
