We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
