my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
