Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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