You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
