Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
