She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
