i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
