I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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