Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
