Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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