I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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