I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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