We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize