All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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