Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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