And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
