how can u be prego again
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
