Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
