Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
