It's Friday. Sex?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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