Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
