you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
