and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love accidental penises.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
