is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
