dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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