i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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