I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
