Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
