Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
